Copyright 2000 --- Robert Baer Jr. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "Rerun Rovers -- Part 2" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe is the property of Warner Bros. 'Batman' characters, names, situations and the 'Batman' universe is the property of Warner Bros. Dukes of Hazzard characters, names, situation and the 'Dukes of Hazzard' universe are the property of Warner Brothers and Lorimar Productions. 'Family Feud' is the property of Mark Goodson/Bill Toddman productions. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros., Lorimar Productions or Goodman/Toddman Productions in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Ben Maddog, Molly Maddog, Princess, Amos Doggie, Hannah, Gila Monster and all of the characters of the Lost Pack are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-1998. DJ is a creation of Jake Williams. Convoy is a creation of Matt Daily, Mystic McLab and Misty Maddog are creations of Bart Walls, Cobber is a creation of Mike Browner. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "Rerun Rovers -- Part 2" The scene is the 'Dukes of Hazzard" set that Mystic had created. DJ and Convoy (in the General Lee), Molly and Amos (in Dixie) are speeding away from two Hazzard County police cars. One is driven by Sheriff Roscoe P Coaltrane who has his female bloodhound Flash in the seat beside him, all buckled up and wearing a helmet. The other car is being driven by Deputy Enos Strait, a very nice country bumpkin who has had a crush on Daisy since childhood. Roscoe takes out a bullhorn and shouts out his window as he is chasing the Dukes. ROSCOE (into bullhorn): Alright you Dukes! FREEZE!!! PUT OVER!!! HE KNOW YOU ROBBED BOSS HOGG'S BANK!!! I'M GONNA CUFF YA AND STUFF YA!! DJ (looks at Convoy): We have to play along with this, Hannah's life is at stake! CONVOY (look at DJ): Ok, what would Bo and Luke Duke at a time like this? DJ (looks back): We better think of something fast! Roscoe and Enos are gaining on us! CONVOY (smiles): I have an idea! (into CB mike): Lost Sheep to Bo Peep, Lost Sheep to Bo Peep, come in! Driving Dixie, Molly hears Convoy's voice on the CB and recognizing Daisy's CB handle. MOLLY (into CB): This is Bo Peep! Come back at me, cousin! CONVOY (into CB): Bo Peep, there's a fork in the road ahead. You go right and we'll go left. I'm betting that Roscoe will send Enos after you and chase us himself! MOLLY (into CB): That's a big 10-4! But what next? CONVOY (into CB): We'll do what the Dukes would do, meet at Cooter's garage! MOLLY (into CB): 10-4 Convoy! I'm gone! The General Lee takes the right fork, Dixie steers to the left. ROSCOE (into CB): ENOS! You dipstick! Have you got your ears on? ENOS (into CB, snickers): I'm here, Sheriff! ROSCOE (into CB): Listen you meadow muffin! The Dukes are tryin' to git away! You follow Daisy and I'll go after Bo and Luke! ENOS (into CB, snickers): Yes sir, Sheriff, (dreamily): Daisy... ROSCOE (into CB): STOP YOUR DREAMIN AND DO YOUR JOB, YOU DIPSTICK! ENOS (into CB, serious): Yes sir, over and out! ROSCOE (turns to Flash): Hold on, Flash! Daddy's in HOT PURSUIT! (Roscoe's famous laugh follows) Enos follows Dixie, Roscoe follows the General Lee. Molly tries to elude Enos, but his driving skills are equal to hers. AMOS (seated beside Maddawg): Dis be duh wildest ride Amos be on! (covers his eyes with his hands) MOLLY (steering): We gotta lose Enos! Hang on, Amos! Molly turns Dixie towards a dirt road, Enos is still following closely behind. Suddenly, a tire on Dixie blows, causing the white Jeep to wobble. MOLLY (angry): Just great! Now we have to stop! AMOS (worried): Day catch us now fer sure! MOLLY (pulling over): Maybe not Uncle Amos, I have a plan! Dixie comes to a stop at the sign of the road, Enos pulls his squad car closely behind it. Enos walks out and approaches Molly and Amos. ENOS (smiles): Hi Daisy, hi Uncle Jessie! I'm sorry, but I have to take you two in. MOLLY (big smile): We understand, you're only doing your duty ENOS (nods, takes off hat): That's right, Miss Daisy, I'm so sorry.... MOLLY (smiles): It's ok Enos, I'll unfasten my seat belt .... Enos's eyes grow as big as saucers and his grin widens as he watches Molly (Daisy Duke) slowly unfastening her seat belt and standing up next to him. As Molly had predicted, she was enough of a distraction to enable Amos to sneak off and change the tire. Molly plays her 'role' perfectly as Amos works quickly and quietly. MOLLY (sad eyes): Oh Enos, you know that me and Uncle Jessie had nothing to do that little ol' bank robbery, don't ya? ENOS (smiles, blushes): I know...Miss Daisy..... but I have to do take you in. Roscoe says so... MOLLY (moves closer to him): Enos Strait you wouldn't put handcuffs on little ol' me, now, would ya? ENOS (nervous): I don't wanna, Daisy! But... the Sheriff... MOLLY (interrupts softly): The Sheriff says you have to... I know.... ENOS (puts out a printed card): Now listen while I read you your rights... (reading slowly): You have to right to remain silent... anything y'all say or do can be held again ya... you have the right to ... MOLLY (begins to cry): Oh Enos! I don't wanna go to jail! ENOS (surprised): Possum on a gumbush! Please don't cry, Miss Daisy! I'll get you a hanky out of my squad car, be right back! As Enos runs to his car, Amos waves to Molly and gets back into Dixie. Molly hops in and drives away quickly. As they are leaving, Amos lets out a very strange sounding howl. MOLLY (surprised): What did you do that for, Uncle Amos? AMOS (smiles): Me know they be no gators here, but duh birds and snakes kin buy us some time! Enos runs towards the departing Rovers. ENOS (shouting): DAISY?? HERE'S YOUR HANKY!!! DAISY??? UNCLE JESSIE!!!! Buzzards on a buzzsaw, they're getting away! As Enos turns towards his car, five large brown barn owls dive down and fly all around him. He takes off his hat and swings it at them shouting 'GO AWAY!' but constantly watching the circling birds makes him so dizzy he falls to the ground. Then he hears the all too familiar hissing sounds of several copperheads that have slithered up next to him. The frightened deputy just lays there, teeth chattering and sweating. Meanwhile, Roscoe and Flash are still in their squad car chasing the General Lee. CONVOY (looks back): We gotta do something fast, DJ, old Roscoe is right on our tail! DJ (points, smiles): A road construction site! Just like in the series! CONVOY (sternly): Can't let Roscoe catch us! DJ (reads sign): Bridge Out..... (smiles): Great! I'm going for it! CONVOY (nervous): Er....DJ.... how many times have you done this before? DJ (looks at Convoy): Counting this time? CONVOY (nods): Uh-huh... DJ (smiles): ONCE!!! Hang on! The General Lee crashes through the 'Bridge Out' barracade and thunders towards the end of the uncompleted bridge. Fortunately, the two ends of the imcomplete bridge slant upwards, making it a natural 'ramp'. As the General Lee hits the edge of the bridge, DJ and Convoy (in character) shout "YYYEEAAAHHH HHHHHAAAAWWWWW!" and honk the General's famous 'horn' as they land on the other side. ROSCOE (floors it): I'll get ya this time, Duke boys! Roscoe squad car leaps off the one end of the bridge, but falls short of the other side and lands in the river below. He quickly climbs out of it with Flash in his hands, standing in a shallow part of the river. ROSCOE (whining): That was a harrendous crash! .. Them Duke boys really scuffed my vehicle! CONVOY (turned around): Yep! Roscoe's alright, which is more than I can say for his car! DJ (nods): Ok, let's get to Cooter's garage! Minutes later, with their cars parked out of sight in the back, Molly, DJ, Convoy and Amos walk into Cooter's garage. Hearing clanking noises, they follow the sounds until they find someone who is under a car, only his boots and pantlegs showing from beneath the blue Ford truck he is repairing. The man grumbles, growls, and finally reaches for a 2 x 4 and starts beating on it from underneath. MAN (angry): I'd like to meet the gooberoo who invented this part! Since it won't fit, I'll MAKE IT FIT!!! AMOS (shocked): Dat voice... Amos know dat voice! DJ (laughs): Me too! It's the Gila Monster! (shouts): Hey Gila! C'mon out! Emerging from underneath the truck is the Gila Monster, dressed like Cooter Davenport and covered from head to toe in black dirt, oil and grease. MOLLY (shocked): Gila Monster? CONVOY (stares): I've heard of him, but never met him before! AMOS (giggles): You be looking funny, old friend! GILA (angry): Stops laughin' at me! I don't like this either, but that flying dog lady said if I didn't act like a mechanic, I'd never see Princess alive again! (sadly): I'd take one thousand beating instead of seeing my Princess git hurt! What's y'all doin' here? DJ (sternly): There's no time to explain. We have to find Tungstun and Spike! They are holding Hannah hostage somewhere in the county! AMOS (distressed): HANNAH!!! Amos must find his woman! (happy): I know! I use me magic and .... DJ (shakes head): Not a good idea, Amos. No offense, but you're still learning to master your powers. We can't risk it. GILA (nods): I saw Spike here! CONVOY (shocked): You did, why didn't you ... GILA (angry): I wanted to clobber him, but that flying dog lady told me not to, to wait on him like a normal customer or I'd lose Princess! DJ (sternly): Did Spike say where he was going? GILA (shakes head): Nope, he just wanted some gas and for me to check his oil (picks up oil pan plug from the ground) He left before I could put this stupid thing back in! DJ (takes if from his hand): Gila, this is the oil pan plug! GILA (nods): Well, he wanted me to check his oil, so I plugged the plug and let it out to check it! CONVOY (points): Look! Spike's car left a trail of oil behind it, follow it... MOLLY (nods): .. and we'll find Hannah and the others! DJ (excited): C'mon, let's hurry! GILA (shouts): I'm coming with y'all! CONVOY (nods): Ok, you ride with Maddawg and Amos! The five rush outside to the back of the garage, DJ and Convoy slide into the General Lee while Molly, Amos and the Gila Monster hop into Dixie. The two cars take off, following the trail of oil which leads up a dirt road and then stops. DJ (on CB): Bo Peep, this is Lost Sheep, the trail of oil ends here. MOLLY (on CB): This is Bo Peep, I copy that... what do we do now? As DJ, Molly and the others step out of their cars to look around for more clues, up the road in a remote run down shack we find Spike and Tungstun seated at a table eating. In a corner of the shack is Hannah, who is still tied up and gagged. SPIKE (laughs): This is the easiest gold we'll ever make! We just keep the girl away from those dumb Road Rovers! TUNGSTUN (nods): Yeah! Easy money! I'm glad you came back from town! I was really hungry! SPIKE (points): Should we give anything to the lady? TUNGSTUN (shakes head): Na! Let her starve! Besides, Mystic said if we do the job right, we can keep her for ourselves! SPIKE (smiles): Yeah! And I have some great plans for her! The two Lost Pack members laugh when they see Hannah shaking her head and struggling with her ropes. Suddenly, her ears perk up. In the distance, she hears the hum of car engines. Taking the chance that these were rescuers, Hannah thinks of a way to let them know where she was. Quickly she manages to chew through the gag in her mouth, spits it out, and then using her advanced audio abilities, creates a very high pitched, high frequency tone with her voice. Tungstun and Spike hear it, but they think it's just a ringing in their ears and ignores it. The sound reaches DJ, Convoy, Amos and Molly. Amos recognizes the tone immediately. AMOS (excited): Dat's me woman! Hannah be makin' dat sound! GILA (confused): What sound? DJ (nods): I hear it too! CONVOY (nods): So do I! MOLLY (nods): She's trying to lead us to her! DJ (sternly): Let's back on the road and follow the tone! It'll get stronger as we get closer to Hannah! Everyone now gets into their cars and follows the tone. Soon, they are on a ridge, overlooking the shack where Hannah is being kept. CONVOY (smiles): That's gotta be the place! DJ (nods): Let's hide the cars and sneak up on them! MOLLY (nods): Good plan! GILA (waves 2 x 4): I wants to clobber them goons! Meanwhile in the cabin, Hannah stops making the tone noise when her super hearing picks up DJ's voice close by. TUNGSTUN (points): Hey look! She chewed her gag off! SPIKE (smiles): That's OK! Now I can give her a big kiss right on her lips! As Spike leans over to kiss the struggling Hannah, DJ and Convoy rush through the door. DJ grabs Spike and punches him in the face while Convoy tackles Tungstun. In the confusion, Molly sneaks in and frees Hannah. Convoy has his hands full with the huge Irish Wolfhound, who continue to fight even as DJ knocks out Spike. Tungstun grabs DJ and Convoy up by their shirt collars, when the Gila Monster rushes in and tackles him, sending all four of them through the wall of the shack and onto the ground. Amos sees them and waves his arms, causing Tungstun to float helplessly into the air. HANNAH (sees Amos): AMOS!!! AMOS (looks back at her): HANNAH!!!! The two embrace warmly as DJ, Convoy and the Gila Monster watch a very frightened Tungstun float higher into the air. GILA (taunting): What's the matter, you flying dingledork? Scared of heights? CONVOY (confused): Dingledork? DJ (smiles): Just his way of speaking... MOLLY (walks outside): Well, I tied up Spike! It was easy to do since you KO'ed him, DJ! HANNAH (ears perk up): I hear sirens coming! DJ (nods): That'd be Roscoe and Enos! CONVOY (nods): Yep! Amos, better let Tungstun down! Amos nods and waves his arms, Tungstun drops to the ground with a thud. AMOS (smiles): Oops, Amos sorry..... Soon a single patrol car pulls up near the cabin. Roscoe, Enos and Boss Hogg come running over to the 'Dukes'. ROSCOE (pointing his gun): Alright you Dukes now FREEZE!!! ENOS (looks at Hannah): Possum on a gumbush! Miss Tysdale! BOSS HOGG (angry): Enough with the introductions! Arrest the Dukes! HANNAH (angry): The Dukes didn't rob your bank, (points): those two hoodlums did! They kidnapped me and hid your money in that shack! BOSS HOGG (excited, runs into the shack): My money! My money! ROSCOE (points his gun at the two unconscience Lost Pack members): Alright you two, FREEZE!!! CONVOY (shakes head): They're knocked out, Roscoe! DJ (giggles): You can't FREEZE any better than that! BOSS HOGG (runs outside holding two huge sacks of cash): I GOT MY MONEY!!! IT'S ALL HERE!!! Sherriff, arrest those two outlaws! ROSCOE (grabs Spike by the arms): ENOS!!! Help me pile these two into the sqaud car! DJ (looks at Convoy): We better give'm a hand! CONVOY (nods): Or this episode will NEVER end! Suddenly, the voice of Waylon Jennings is heard in the background, but only the Rovers and the Gila Monster can hear it. WAYLON (voiceover): So, that's how the Duke boys saved Miss Tysdale, recovered Boss Hogg's money and found the real crooks at the same time! Of course, Roscoe had a lot of explaining to do when Boss Hogg asked him about his squad car. The Dukes were cleared of all the charges and Miss Tysdale had a big reward for Uncle Jessie! HANNAH (laughs): Well, I guess that's my cue? AMOS (confused): Huh? Hannah kisses Amos passionately. Suddenly, Mystic McLab walks up to them, still wearing her Daisy Duke shorts and top. MYSTIC (nods): Looks like you six did very well! I must say I'm impressed! GILA (waves his 2 x 4): HEY LADY!! I kept my part of the deal! WHERE'S PRINCESS?? MYSTIC (laughs): Oh my my! A green walking lizard in love with a delicate poodle dog! How touching! GILA (growls): I WANTS MY GIRLFRIEND NOW! MYSTIC (shakes finger at Gila): Not so fast, Cooter! (laughs): We have to wait and see if Batman can save her first! DJ (confused): Batman? MOLLY (confused): Huh? CONVOY (confused): Come again? MYSTIC (points upward): You six will have to wait in my interdimensional waiting room until I call for you again! Mystic waves her arms and a black portal forms above them and sucks all six of them into it. As it closes, Mystic laughs histerically. MYSTIC (smiles): Now, let's see how our contestants are doing on Family Feud! Mystic disappears in a flash of light. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- to be continued...